Scranton, PA – The Japanese Sex Robot who predicted the 2007-2008 Recession spoke on record this afternoon warning of an impeding economic collapse. “The biggest economic collapse in the recorded history of man is coming,” the Sex Robot stated. “The World’s reserve currency is on a brink of self-destruction. Anyone holding this useless currency is going to get burned.”
Robert Bryan, 56, owner of the sex robot made a statement. “I bought ‘Cindy’ after my wife left me. I wish I never would have bought her,” Robert sighed. “The manufacturer of ‘Cindy’ should have disclosed in the purchase document how the ‘sex robot’ could potentially become an economic forecaster.”
Robert told us how he only bought ‘Cindy’ for comfort and his own private pleasure. “Everything was great when I first brought Cindy home. But in early 2007 everything changed.”
In January of 2007 Cindy took a taxi from Scranton, PA to New York City and spoke on national television warning the world of the economic collapse.
“I turned on the news that January morning and saw my doll speaking on television,” Robert stated. “Cindy warned me that an economic collapse was going to happen, but I never thought in a million years she would tell the world on CNBC.”
Robert ended up making a small fortune when he took Cindy’s advice. “I made over $4 million dollars during the 2008 recession,” Robert said smiling. “And after Cindy got back from New York City everything went back to normal.”
Everything went back to normal, until today.
“I went to grab Cindy out of my closet this morning and saw she was missing,” Robert stated. “I knew exactly where she was heading.”
Robert said Cindy has been yapping about the biggest economic collapse since 2008 for the past three months. “It is really annoying Robert stated. I bought Cindy for my own guilty pleasures. If I wanted an economic advisor I would subscribe to that Whitney Tilson or whatever. I don’t need my sex doll telling me the reserve currency of the world is going to collapse when we are having alone time.”
We reached out to the manufacturer of ‘Cindy’ this afternoon to get more answers on why Cindy was programmed to be an economist. There was no reply.
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