Jeff Bezos Pillow

The world’s richest man, Jeff Bezos, on Friday announced a new venture to compete in the cut-throat branded pillow market. “My Ex-Wife’s Pillow” will offer premium pillows to customers at Target, Walmart, and online at starting next month.

According to Bezos, the name suggests that the pillows are of such high quality that the world’s richest woman (his ex-wife MacKenzie Scott) would use them. The move came as a surprise to many, and murmurs on Wall Street have circulated speculating that Jeff’s recent resignation as CEO from Amazon may have been planned to enable his transition into the pillow industry.

“I now look at my divorce more fondly,” explained Bezos to a small, invite only crowd in his Seattle area mansion, “MacKenzie and I are now free toJe pursue our own interests. She can now enjoy giving her wealth to (ha… ha… cough… cough… sorry) ‘charity,’ and I can better focus my time on building the world’s greatest pillow empire.”

The nascent pillow industry has been largely neglected for the last thousand years, but it has recently caught the eye of tech titans following the meltdown of former MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell. The otherwise gentle, 5’2” former crack-addict fell into controversy over the past year following his claims of election fraud in the 2020 Presidential Election long after most people dropped the meme. MyPillow has since been pulled from shelves, leaving a cavernous hole in the pillow market causing many entrepreneurs to look to pillows and bedding as the next hot sector for investment.

Parkland school shooting survivor and gun control advocate David Hogg also announced his intent to launch a pillow brand this week. His efforts hit roadblocks almost immediately however as Hogg’s little to no experience in manufacturing stopped many VCs from offering funding. When his initial investment of hopes and dreams failed to deliver a functioning supply chain, Hogg took to twitter to try to find support for his imaginary factory.

Bezos is unlikely to encounter any of those hurdles. Harvard professor of supply chain management, Gerald Nadine, highlighted why he expects My Ex-Wife’s Pillow to be a success:

“His politics are Machiavellian, but he knows to play them close to his chest. His experience building supply chains are unparalleled. The only question is how fast he can get the machine up and running and whether that will be quick enough to beat others market.”