Washington – Jerome Powell, Federal Reserve Chairman, stated at a recent press conference that people who save money are idiots. “If you are saving money you are a complete idiot,” Jerome Powell said to a crowd of reporters. “With interest rates at zero and hyperinflation in the near future there is literally no incentive for anyone to save money. Only chumps are saving money in this environment.”
Jerome Powell continued to say how the Federal Reserve was doing all it can to give people incentives not to save money. “Look, the Federal Reserve’s sole purpose is to make the stock market go up and not down. A really good way to get people to buy stocks is to drop interest rates to zero.”
Theoretically speaking, the lower interest rates are, the more likely investors will buy riskier assets such as equities. For an example, back in the day investors could get an easy 8-10% return in bonds and sleep well at night. If you are looking for an 8-10% annualized return these days, you will have to find them in the equity market given where interest rates are currently quoted at.
“President Trump uses the stock market as his score card,” Jerome Powell said while hanging his head in disappointment. “My sole focus is to make the stock market go up. The best way to do this is through quantitative easing. Don’t tell anyone but when those junk bonds we are invested in go bust the Federal Reserve will be the biggest owner of United States equities the world has ever seen. We will be like Black Rock times 100.”
Over the past 50 years the United States has went from being a net saver to a net spender. The average saving rate for most American families is less than 8% per year. “Why should I even save money,” Kelly Watson, 45, said. “The bank I have my money in actually takes money out every month because interest rates are so low. I just spend all of my money on this crap made in China right when I get my paycheck.”
“Kelly is as smart woman,” Jerome Powell stated. “When the U.S. Dollar goes into hyperinflation mode everyone will spend their entire paycheck as fast as they can. Since Kelly already spends her entire paycheck when she gets it, it will be much easier for Kelly to transition into an environment of massive hyperinflation.”
Central Banks across the world have begun stocking up on gold at a record pace. “Oh yeah,” Jerome Powell said smiling. “You betcha I’m long gold. Do you really think I’m dumb enough to keep my savings in U.S. Dollars?”
