Reports indicate, local drunken madman, Jerome Powell had a shocking revelation while printing fiat currency. Money was flying. Powell was falling over drunk. And the Viagra pills Powell’s wife gave him were working. Powell decided to start an OnlyFans account.
This isn’t the first time Powell has taken to a public channel to talk about boring economic policy. It all started back in 2014, when Powell launched an innocent YouTube channel
Powell would go on hour long rants – explaining the different economic principals that ran the world. Invisible hand. Monetary policy. And burning dollar bills to offset hyperinflation. But as with most things economic, no one cared.
One night while in a drunken stupor in a dark alley, Powell had the idea to launch an OnlyFans account.
Powell’s OnlyFans account was an instant success
The newly launched OnlyFans account consists of Powell getting blacked out, rubbing dollar bills on his crotch, mumbling about inflation, negative interest rates and monetary policy.
While it is not widely known what Powell’s OnlyFans account username is, he assured us that Trump will have a mandatory nation wide Trump text with the details. Luckily, The Stonk Market has been able to track down a couple of individuals who have subscribed to J-Pow’s account.
Mr. Bullington, a fan of Powell, said “I want to see someone look at these videos, and tell me that J-Pow is not the peak pinnacle of human perfection. Powell has been able to lift my Little Bullington higher than my SPY calls.”
OnlyFans subscriber Bear Shorty said “I have no idea what gives this man the idea that anyone would want to see his twink body being unwrapped by his feminine fingers while mumbling things about interest rates. It’s exactly the stuff that makes me short the market.” When asked how Mr. Shorty’s portfolio was doing he threw a can of black beans at our face.
When Powell was asked how long will he be making this content he answered “As long as it take to teach the American people something, or we kill all the short positions”. We asked him if he had a target percentage of people that he wanted to teach basic economics to he replied “69 percent”. Nice.
In addition, Mr. Powell did mention about the possibility of funding stimulus checks back to Americans if his OnlyFans account blows up in popularity.
It seems like the only thing to do now is await Trump to text all of America at once, so we can know where to get our dose of patriotism, economics and eroticism all in one place.