As the stock market dipped on Thursday morning, God sent his only son back to Earth to take advantage of a “generational buying opportunity.”
Jesus Christ wasted no time in snatching up QQQ call options and Nikola shares beginning at around 1pm on Thursday. Jesus continued to “buy the dip” as the stock decline continued into Friday morning.
“I wouldn’t send my son back to Earth unless it was really important,” God said over Bloomberg chat. “This dip looked ripe for buying, so I sent Jesus to Manhattan in order to take advantage of the market dip. He has made me very proud with this generational buying opportunity.”
After scooping up millions of shares of tech companies, Jesus helped to heal a few options traders injured by margin calls and then returned to Heaven via Lufthansa First Class.
When asked for his best stock tips, Jesus told reporters to “sow the seeds now into tech companies with no revenue, so that one day you may reap massive profits. Patience pays, but your massive profits should come to fruition within two or three days.”