Jim Cramer fires entire staff after soundboard calls him a stock pumper

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NEW YORK CITY- CNBC television personality and host of long-running investment series “Mad Money” Jim Cramer was recently caught by surprise on-air. Cramer, who famously operates a large soundboard to bolster his commentary, was recommending his viewers purchase shares of Nordic American Tankers (NAT). He pressed a button expecting to hear a “Hallelujah” sound, but instead heard a voice with a snarky message: “Nice stonk pump, Jimmy Chill. When are you dumping it?”

Cramer was furious. “I am not a stock pumper. What the hell even is a ‘stonk’ anyway?” Believing this to be a practical joke from one of his millennial producers, he reacted swiftly by firing every member of his staff. “How’s that for a ‘stonk pump,’ you little turds?”

Cramer has faced criticism recently by anonymous finance-focused Twitter accounts with accusations that he is a “shill” who pumps stock prices regardless of the consequences. “I block anyone who suggests I pump stocks. I’m one of the people.” Cramer explained. “It doesn’t matter what I’ve said in the past. It’s only a stock pump if I say it is.”

The recently terminated members of Cramer’s staff mostly refused to comment. One producer had the following to say: “We’re all joining Twitter now. It’s the only place left that cuts through the crap.”

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