Joe Biden GameStop Calls

President Joe Biden unveiled a coronavirus relief plan Friday that includes all Americans getting $2,000 worth of out of the money GameStop calls instead of fresh $2,000 stimulus checks. The president said the payments of worthless GameStop calls should be enough for every American to make it through the next four years of reduced economic activity.

“We are proud to have finished the job of getting a total of $2,000 worth of expired GameStop calls to every single American,” Biden said during his speech on Friday. “The $2,000 checks of cold hard cash were simply not enough.”

Critics of Biden’s plan, including Keith Gill, say that Democrats need to increase the payments and also provide expired AMC calls to struggling Americans. “Expired and worthless AMC calls to all,” screamed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Americans across the country cheered as they can now afford only stolen ramen noodles on the black market.