Joe Rogan is officially moving back to Los Angeles, California, from Texas, he announced on his podcast.
Although the comedian has been gaslighting the American public about Texas for months now, trying to make it the comedy and podcasting hub of the world, one—albeit rather vicious—wintery snap has changed his tune. In fairness, the state has seen some of its coldest temperatures in more than 30 years some areas hit 0 degrees on Sunday causing President Biden to approve a state of emergency.
“I’m going to go to back to L.A.,” Rogan declared on his popular podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience. “I just want to go somewhere warm… Somewhere this could never happen. I mean, seriously…” He continued on, “When was the last time it even snowed in Los Angeles? I’d be surprised if it ever has… Jaime—pull that up!”
Rogan looked delighted when the records Jamie retrieved from the Los Angeles Public Library revealed that it in fact had not snowed in the City of Angels since January of 1962.
The podcasting mogul continued his tirade, lambasting Texas Governor, Greg Abbott, who has butchered the response to over four million people suffering through widespread blackouts during the worst cold front the state has ever seen.
“You know… It is sad… You think you know a guy,” Rogan said with a slight quiver in his lip, “When Governor Abbott paid me $3 million to move my operations—and turn my podcast into a full on media campaign for the state—he seemed like he knew what he was doing! But now, he’s sitting home in his hoity-toity neighborhood with a thumb up his ass while Texans freeze to death!”
The episode concluded with Rogan and his guest, Kris Kringle, who he had on to discuss the challenges of living in a polar vortex, playing a game of Marry, Fuck, Kill. The choices were Gov. Abbott, Gov. Newsome, and New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo.
Both Kringle and Rogan admitted that while Cuomo’s behavior throughout the Covid-19 pandemic has been reprehensible, he was by far the “most fuckable” of the three—and while recency bias might be a factor, Abbott needed to be killed.
“Besides,” Rogan conceded, “I probably have to start walking back my position on Abbott—we do have a deal to work out if I’m moving back.”