In revenge for calling him “yellow man” in famous Born In The USA song, murderous dictator, Kim Jong-un takes responsibility for the DWI set-up at Jersey Shore last month.
Mr. Jong-un has been holding back his attacks for years because he thought Springsteen was Jewish and heard the Jews had cornered prices in the uranium market. But when Mr. Jong-un’s contacts in Tehran debunked this conspiracy theory for him, he went into a complete psychotic rage.
“You think those cops just showed up out of nowhere that night? I paid them in Bitcoin. Jersey Shore cops are idiots, though. I had to explain the CoinBase app myself. Have you ever been to that Seaside Beach? It’s a mess, get those cops some nukes and they’ll have a deterrent from dumb white people, like me. BTW, I love you Snooki!”
Springsteen wasn’t available for comment at the time of publication, but his publicist told us he was surprised the North Korean dictator could even understand the lyrics. “I mean really, have you heard that song recently? All you can understand is the born in the USA part that he repeats like a million times. Seriously… Pander to your audience a little, am I right?”
At a rally in NYC protesting Springsteen’s racist song, Al Sharpton called it a disgrace and anti-American. When asked why he was considering himself qualified to represent the Asian community he said, “People of Color are all connected when responding to hate and color is color and to be honest, I don’t even see color. Unless the press is around, then I see every shade of brown.”