WASHINGTON – Asserting the importance of Columbus Day, Kinder Morgan bulldozed through 10,000 acres of indigenous land to celebrate Columbus Day.
“We thought bulldozing through 10,000 acres of land was the best way to show indigenous people what they really mean to us,” Steven Kean stated. “In addition bulldozing through the last remaining native land is a good lesson that history does repeat itself.”
Thousands of indigenous people were left stranded in the middle of a cornfield Iowa. To compensate for their loss the Trump administration provided free blankets.
“To show our support for the indigenous people we have provided COVID-19 covered, I mean clean blankets to the stranded people,” Trump stated over a press conference.
Kinder Morgan was later seen installing over 1,000 miles of fresh pipeline in the ground. “It’s the least we can do,” Steven Kean stated. “This pipeline will not only increase our net operating income but also provide electricity to millions of Americans.”
Seven seconds after the pipeline was completed, the entire project exploded killing millions of animals.