Bitcoin starves

Thinking he was being an absolute genius, Mark Campbell, 47, converted all of his archaic US dollars into bitcoin one week ago as a potential investment. Two weeks later Mark passed away from starvation.

“He was just trying to be an intelligent investor,” Wendy Campbell, his wife screamed. “He thought buying bitcoin two weeks ago was a generational buying opportunity. So he converted all of our savings into this cryptic digital currency.”

While the investment was timely and made Mark and his wife millions, the move proved to backfire as the power in Texas went out. “We couldn’t even buy a cold hotdog in a back alley,” Wendy stated. “Without power we couldn’t even access our digital currency.”

Within minutes of the power being out Mark starved to death. “The only way I have been surviving is by eating my own husband. Bitcoin is the worst thing to ever happen to me!”