“All I did was etch my BTC address on a blank 1 oz. gold coin and impress the logo on the reverse, next thing I knew a black hole opened up and the past and future of all the bad investments I’ve made in my life exploded in front of me,” Mark Jones of Omaha, NE exclusively told Stonk Market Media.

Execs from Coinbase verified that this is not an isolated incident. “Mr. Jones is quite lucky to be alive they said and that it’s rumored Bitcoin inventor, Satosho Nakomoto was killed in the same way while trying to merge the two assets.