Bitcoin $60,000

Laying in bed daydreaming about how good his life could have been if he had not bought bitcoin at $60,000, local man, John Kyle, thought, “If I hadn’t bought bitcoin at $60,000 I wouldn’t be living on food stamps and my wife wouldn’t have a boyfriend.”

“But oh yeah, that’s right. I bought bitcoin at $60,000 like a sheep and now my wife is off banging the plumber and I’m stuck here in this studio apartment I can barely afford holding onto an imaginary internet currency that can’t be used for anything except useless speculation.”

Mr. Kyle was later seen on the fry line at the local Wendy’s were Dogecoin investors were throwing their frosties at him.