Wall Street – Eugene Washington, the individual who predicted the Black Death of 1347, recently spoke with major media corporations on his thoughts regarding the coronavirus. “I don’t know what the hell everyone is so damned worried about,” Eugene Washington said from his old folks’ home in Greenwich, Connecticut. “The coronavirus ain’t shit.” Eugene Washington was a prominent scientist who predicted the onslaught of the Black Death years before the diseases rampaged Europe. Eugene went down in infamy for shorting the entire market days before patient zero started spreading the disease. “The coronavirus has such as sissy name,” Eugene said as his nurse changed his catheter. “The Black Death, now that is a powerful name. If the coronavirus was named something like Lung Annihilator, then I might be worried about.” It is predicted that Eugene Washington made over $250 billion in today’s currency adjusted for inflation shorting the market days before the Black Death started spreading. When asked how he is positioning his portfolio for the coronavirus Eugene said, “I’m long gold to short the entire system.” Eugene stated if the coronavirus is something serious it should be beneficial for millennials for two reasons. Reason one, it will make social security solvent. Reason two, there will be an excess supply of houses millennials will be able to buy for pennies on the dollar.
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