Wall Street – Markets cheered this morning after the Federal Reserve cured the coronavirus by cutting interest rates by 50 basis points. “It is exciting how much medical power the Federal Reserve has just by cutting interest rates,” a doctor at Cambridge Medical Center of Incurable Diseases stated. “With just a click of a button the Federal Reserve did the impossible and found the cure to the coronavirus. Who knew the cure to the coronavirus was cheap money?” Communities around the globe applauded as helicopter money was literally dumped from the skies. Many people later took to the social media app Tik Tok and shot up United States Dollars into their veins. “I instantly felt better after shooting up cheap money into my veins,” a social media influencer with the coronavirus said. President Trump later made the statement that the Federal Reserve needs to cut rates further so we can solve other incurable diseases like cancer and aids. Despite the rate cut, travel stonks continued to fall deeper into the red. Apparently, no matter how cheap money is, consumers still don’t want to be caught dead on a cruise ship.
Source of featured image: Never Again in Canada