In a stunning move not seen since yesterday, the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head told investors they should short the market. “The market is at all time highs and the economy is in a trash can,” the fly stated. “Take a second mortgage out on your house and dump it all in $SPY put options.”
For those who didn’t watch the debate and are not on social media, a fly landed on Mike Pence’s head during the VP Presidential debate. Millions of people across the world laughed at Mike Pence’s expense and shared the same old fly joke on their social media handle like they were being clever. The fly then proceeded to mate with 65 other flies and took a massive dump before flying away.
Despite the rather fruitful and comical nature of a fly landing on a Vice President’s head, conspiracies began to pop up in dark corners of the internet. One conspiracy suggested the fly was a Russian Bot ran by Jacob Wohl. Another conspiracy suggested the fly was giving Mike Pence insider information on stock moves for the mornings open. And yet another said the fly was controlled by lunatic antivaxxers.
No matter what theory is correct, the fly has finally made it’s statement. “SHORT THE MARKET AND BUY GOLD,” was the last thing the fly said before passing out and dying from drinking too much malt liquor after reading Zero Hedge.