CLEMSON, SOUTH CAROLINA: Glen Clarke, 24, has a message for voters.
“I just don’t get the hype,” said Clarke as he slowly walked us through his methodology. “Like, if Biden wins and everything, Trump will still be in the White House with him. Trump is way stronger and will end up making all the decisions anyways. Titles don’t really mean anything, like they used to.”
Clarke stares directly into the sun as he ashes his cigarette on his desk, where he handles his duties as Chairman, President, Chief Executive Officer and Chief Investment Officer of his newly incorporated long-short, event-driven, macroeconomic quant hedge fund (self-titled). “Investment banking is a tough business.”
“Look, although some of my friends think I’m some god cause I run an investment bank, I can admit humbly that I’m still learning too. For example – my views on the whole presidency overreaction basically come from the fact that I JUST learned that the guy who comes in second gets to be Vice-President. I heard some guys talking about it on COD while discussing some lame play called, Harrison or whatever. I’m not a theatre guy myself – more of a fine art connoisseur. You heard of Bansky?”
We sure didn’t have this bright of a future at 24!
Written by PigeonWithHatOn