Steve Mnuchin
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin speak to reporters Tuesday, Sept. 10, 2019, in the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room of the White House. (Official White House Photo by Andrea Hanks)

Washington – Steve Mnuchin, secretary of the treasury, floated the idea of splitting the U.S. Dollar similar to how corporations on Wall Street split their stock.  According to government “officials” doing a  split would increase everyone’s wealth by twice as much.

“If we did a one-for-two split of the U.S. Dollar everyone in America would be twice as wealthy,” Steve Mnuchin stated at a benefit dinner. 

A stock split is market lingo where a company takes one of your shares and magically creates two shares.  For an example, if the U.S. Dollar did a one-for-two split, every dollar you owned would magically become two dollars with the power high finance.

“Hell, we could even do a 1-for-100 split and everyone would be 100 times wealthier,” Steven Mnuchin said grinning at the greenbacks in his leather wallet.

Steve Mnuchin isn’t the only one pushing this new concept of splitting the dollar.  The Emperor himself was on board the minute he realized how much more money everyone could have.

“Doing a 1-for-10,000 split of the almighty U.S. Dollar would be HUGE,”  Donald Trump tweeted this morning.  “Everyone in America would instantly become wealthier with the push of a button.” 

Jerome Powell was said to be skeptical of splitting the U.S. Dollar.  Powell apparently doesn’t understand economics and how money works.  

“The Federal Reserve is led by weak pale hands,” Donald Trump was told to have said privately to Mnuchin.  “All of the European bankers are splitting their currency.  It is time we hop on the bandwagon and go with consensus.” 

The price of gold has skyrocketed on this news by $420.69/ounce.  Dealers are said to be sold out across the country.

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