MOFA: Make Oil Free Again

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As everyone with a Wi-Fi connection has already heard, oil prices made history by futures contracts selling at negative prices. Smart people might try to explain what happened but let me break it down in layman’s terms. What the FAKE NEWS does not want to tell you is that President Trump put together two of America’s favorite things: OIL & FREEDOM. And what do those two pillars of our democracy combined mean to us every day Americans? FREE OIL. Do not ask me what that actually means. All I heard was USA #1, energy independence and did I say FREE OIL?

As an American I passionately believe in setting an example for the non #1 countries in the world.  I believe in reveling in the fruits of our labor. After all, our American domination of solid rock to squeeze out that sweet energy freedom did not come from taking time off for afternoon tea or a croissant. It came from the ham and cheese sandwich garnished (kinda like my paycheck for child support) with a light smear of pipe dope scarfed down between stands and washed back with a Rockstar energy drink. That is American at its finest.

We need to celebrate the tremendous achievement of man and technological strength. You know your pops old Chevy? The one that spouts more smoke than a Willie Nelson Tour bus? Well it is past time to fill the sucker up with that Sweet Oil from American SoilTM. Heck, while you are at it, throw a tarp in the back and fill her bed up too. You might want to trade that pack of Marlboro Light’s for a can of Cope if you are going dipping in that pool, but America is about freedom and making your own choices, so you do you. While you got her filled up why not drive down main street blasting Lynyrd Skynyrd and maybe a little Johnny Winter on your way to the bar. Feel that powerful V8 as you crack that 3rd Lonestar of the day. It brings you back to the good ole days of unleaded gas and payphones. Back before we had to worry about liberals and their mind control 5G.

Times are different now, but America is still leading the way. And like an E&P executive cashing their motivational upfront bonus; live in the present because every bender has a crash sometime.  

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