Panicking like a rat in a cage, Nate Silver, political pollster, has been reduced to a dull copper after his excel model exploded. “Screw you guys,” Nate said while wiping the tears from his eyes that have more bags than the luggage carousel at LAX. “We did a good job.”
Before the botched political polling attempt, Silver was a regarded statistician who made a name for himself by correctly predicting presidential outcomes. Silver’s mathematical models correctly predicted the 2008 election outcome in 49 of 50 states, bringing him to stardom. However, when Donald Trump rose to become President in 2016, Nate’s models turned south.
“They were directionally correct,” a teary eyed Silver said after the election in 2016. “People just voted for the wrong candidate. If they voted for Hilary, my models would have been 100% correct.”
Despite being completely wrong in 2016, people forgot all about Nate’s broken models by 2020. “I totally forgot about that doofus,” Susan Keller, 49, stated. So when Silver’s models blew up in 2020, everyone went livid.
“I was relying on those models to make political bets on Predicit,” John Hanson, degenerate gambler stated. “I lost $600 dollars and now I can’t afford my Camel Wides.”
In fact, Silver’s models were so wrong Antifa and The Proud Boys joined forces in a public protest to make Silver change his name to Nate Copper.
“This guy is such a doofus,” a spokesman for the newly formed Proud Antifa stated. “If Nate doesn’t change his name to Nate Copper we will burn major U.S. cities to the ground.”
When asked to speak, Nate ignored us. We were told he was crying about his excel model that exploded from too many circular references.
