Washington D.C. – After demonstrating a remarkable understanding of lung health throughout the COVID-19 pandemic and more recently providing impeccable medical analysis of the suffocation death of George Floyd, the National Board of Medical Examiners has made the unprecedented decision to award twitter influencers medical licenses with a specialty in pulmonology. These licenses will allow twitter users who tweet about complicated medical diagnoses to practice medicine across all 50 states and conduct forensic medical analysis for crime investigators.
“Twitter experts have truly showed us that even without the slightest medical knowledge beyond a B- in Biology 101, they can still go toe-to-toe with medical practitioners holding 40 years of experience,” said NBME Chairman Earl Sharp, “We trust that their 280-character explanations of how Vitamin D stops COVID-19 or how quickly fentanyl shuts down oxygen intake to the brain prove that these experts hold sufficient knowledge to provide critical lung care to Americans.”
Oddly enough, many of these same users were recently granted professional Marine Engineering licenses following their evaluation of the Ever Given container ship that became stuck in the Suez Canal. Licensed Engineers and maritime crisis response teams were taken aback by the level of creativity and effective ideas shared on twitter. Though none of the ideas were implemented, largely due to the desire to pursue plans that would actually work (an action that many labelled as discrimination), the engineering community was inspired by the level of sophistication presented in tweets discussing the stuck ship.
“Technology is bringing us to a point where anyone should be allowed to design bridges, practice medicine, or argue in a court of law,” said Futurist and author James McGuffin. “In fact, today I just watched a YouTube video on brain surgery and I plan on using this knowledge to repair my son’s ADHD, all from the comfort of my own home!”
Many are celebrating the democratization of professions as an extension of the American “do-it-yourself” spirit. Meanwhile, some are calling on the limit of these licenses to go only to adults over the age of 18, and a blanket ban on Russian Bots. The finer details may be argued in the coming months, but one thing is certain: the NBME’s move today means that there is about to be quite a boom in American pulmonologists.