A new study reveals that the average Wall Street analyst is premature and cries during bed. The study was run on 1,300 participants during Labor Day Weekend.
The study found that 90% of Wall Street analyst are premature when having relations with the opposite sex. 95% of the analysts then cried afterwards with their partner.
Molly Simpson, 23, stated, “It lasted 60 seconds, and I’m being generous. When I looked up and asked if he was done he just started sobbing. He cried in my arms for a good thirty minutes sobbing about how hard his boss was on him.”
Reports from the opposite sex were vastly similar. Erin, 26, said an analyst she slept with from Wedbush Securities was finished in less than 30 seconds then cried for hours afterwards.
Wendy, 34, who has been sleeping with Wall Street analysts for years, said she does it for the money then she’s out. “The sex is easy given how short it is. You get used to the crying after a year, but it’s still weird.”
The study also revealed that 100% of the Wall Street Analysts then bragged to their “boys” how they had the best “lay” of their life the following day.