Houston – The price of oil fell dramatically on Tuesday as a new prolific basin was discovered on teen’s face. Gunner Kitchen, 16-year-old teen, is claimed to have over 10 billion barrels of proven oil reserves just located on his face.
“We ran a vast 3d seismic test on Gunner’s face,” Atlas Geophysical Chief Executive Officer, Danny Jacobson stated. “We were floored when we discovered the largest oil reserve in North America on this kid’s face.”
Gunner Kitchen is your typical 16-year-old teen. Lanky and disproportioned. Uglier than sin. And face full of acne. “I didn’t even know what an oil reserve was until last week,” Gunner stated. “But apparently my face has over 10 million barrels of proven oil reserves on it.”
The prolific basin found on Gunner’s face – now named Pimple Puss Basin – sent the price of oil plunging to levels not seen since 2014.
“Pimple Puss basin is the most prolific and accessible oil reserve known to man,” Blacking Petroleum CEO, Muck Davis stated. “The marginal costs to pull a barrel of oil out of Gunner’s face is under $1/bbl. Whoever controls Gunner’s face will control the market.”
Gunner has already started leasing acreage on his face for an undisclosed sum. “It is a little annoying having oil rigs drill on my face when I am trying to study for my math exam. But I am managing.”
Atlas Geophysical Chief Executive Officer, Danny Jacobson stated, “Gunner’s face is a brave new frontier for the energy markets. But what’s really going to determine the future state of the oil markets is how much proven oil reserves are located on Gunner’s back.”
According to Gunner’s mom, “my son has the worst case of back acne I have ever seen. If you think Gunner’s face is bad wait until he takes off his shirt.”