In preparation for a second amendment march, gun companies have received permission from the state legislature to install vending machines throughout Oklahoma. “My stance on gun issues is whatever you want,” said state senator Clive Holcomb.
“I’m pro-gun, because I want the second amendment to get the same respect as the first,” said Holcomb. “Buying a gun should be as easy as starting a podcast, and just as common.”
The plan to sell guns out of vending machines is not without risks. “We made the guns pre-loaded inside the machines, because if you want one that quickly, you’re probably already in danger,” said Chode Scarborough, CEO of Restit Candy and Guns.
“So the risk is sometimes the guns go off after they drop. Especially if you’re ordering from that top ‘A’ section, or if you‘re wiggling the machine to shake your gun loose. Even gun vending machines need wiggling. So sometimes you get a misfire, but on the other hand, sometimes you get lucky and the machine accidentally gives you two guns. The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
Chode has found that the most demand for the gun vending machines comes from police departments. “You know I think it’s pretty convenient,” said one officer. “Sometimes I get to work, and I remember my regular gun, but I forget my crime scene gun. You know, the gun you place at a crime scene. You gotta have one, in case the criminal doesn’t bring his.”
Chode has more plans for the business. “After the police stations, hopefully we’ll expand into teachers’ lounges. That should get them a lot more respect. I know I would have paid more attention in health class, maybe saved myself a lot of trouble down the road, if my teacher had a gun.”
