Philip Morris

NEW YORK CITY – Philip Morris, legendary tobacco company has announced a new product that they hope will appeal to younger kids who currently vape and are environmentally conscious. The product they’ve developed is simply “Paper Vape”.

Philip Morris CEO André Calantzopoulos said this in a statement. “We hope this product is as successful as our data suggests it could be, kids ages 14-21 would never think to touch a cigarette which is why we hope to disrupt the market with our new Paper Vape. Made out of 100% recyclable paper and with fruity flavors we hope our Paper Vape will offer the premium, rich tasting experience vapers expect.”

Stonk Market investigative journalist Osiris Foux interviewed local high school sophomores aged 15, 16 to get an insight scoop from PM’s target market. 16 year old Nathan had this to say “Wow, that’s kinda cool actually, I never thought about using joint papers to smoke nicotine. I mean I guess there recyclable too which is cool, I’d consider switching from vaping to this healthier alternative if they had Mango flavors, screw juul for taking that from us.”

15 year old Alexa said, “Wow this is totally super cool, I’ll admit I have a crippling nicotine addiction, it’s a vice I’m not proud of but here we are. But what PM is doing is amazing, not only are they making a healthy alternative, but it saves the turtles too, I always feel so guilty throwing my puff bars into the ocean so my Mom can’t find them so this will help me sleep better at night.”