Pornhub Peloton

With the rollout of PTNXXX, home fitness equipment maker Peloton has taken an aggressive move to stem the tide of slipping sales and growing competition.

“When we looked at the largest area for growth it was men aged 24-35 and when asked what in their lives gets their heart rate up the most, well… it was porn,” Peloton CEO, John Foley told Stonk news. “Sweaty hot instructors bouncing up and down on small bike seats has been driving sales throughout the pandemic and this acquisition dovetails perfectly with our efforts to blend spin with fitness off the bike.”

“We hope to involve our entire stable of talent to bring adult content into the fitness realm,” said a representative from Pornhub owner Mind Geek, he continued that “we expect a new sub genre of role playing and S&M opportunities to emerge as we bring new meaning to the old phrase no pain no gain.”