Portfolio Manager Shocked to find all future value in DCF Model comes from Terminal Value

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Wall Street – “I was floored when I found out,” Daniel Gooberfield, of Gooberfield Asset Management stated.  “All this wasted time spent building discounted cash flow models only to find out the future value is pretty much based on the terminal value.”

Daniel Gooberfield is one of many hedge fund managers who are rethinking the entire finance industry.  After a video on YouTube explaining what terminal values are went viral, hedge fund managers across the industry began to question what value they add to society.  

“When I found out all of the future value in my DCF model is based on the terminal value I threw a plate of spaghetti at my intern,” Daniel Gooberfield said.  “I spent thousands of hours trying to predict what cash flows would be for the next quarter only to realize those cash flows really didn’t matter in the long-term.”

Reports across lower Manhattan state that hedge funds have been closing at a record pace. 

“We realized our financial modeling really didn’t provide any benefit to society, so we shut our doors,” Jake Lewis of Lewis Capital Partners said.  “I realized if I spent as much time as I do modeling next quarters cash flows as I do with my family, my wife and kids might actually like me.”

Markets continued to rise in the early morning trading session as the Federal Reserve continued to dump liquidity into the markets and former hedge fund managers blindly bought index funds.

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2 COMMENTS

  1. How dare you. How. Dare. You.

    That is what I would say to Mr. Daniel Gooberfield of GAM for his repugnant blasphemy. DCF has served our country faithfully since the Great Depression birthed this national treasure straight into the foundational tenants of the American financial system: college textbooks. As a future member of the CFA Institute, I must object to his derogatory comments. Thank you.

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