In a remarkable press conference this afternoon, President Trump, conceded victory to Kayne West. “Kayne and his hobbit wife will do an excellent job running this country,” Trump stated. “Even though I lost, I am happy to hand the reigns over to a gay fish.”
American’s across the nation cheered as they realized Kim Kardashian, the ugly hobbit, will have the largest butt of any First Lady in history. In fact, Kim will be the first woman in the White House to have a fake behind. White House officials have already began to upgrade toilets seats that will fit her enormous rump.
Kayne West took to Instagram live after the Trump press conference to state that the National Anthem will now be Stronger and his infamous song, N**as In Paris, will officially be called N**as in the White House. Kayne then pounded a 40oz Steel Reserve and passed out on the ground.
In other news, Trump is reportedly working with Bill Ackman to take a competing media company to Fox News, public through a SPAC. The ticker symbol is rumored to be $TRUMP. Robinhood investors have begun to lick their chops, hoping to pump this stock up to the stratosphere. This is a developing story.