Wall Street – Jacob Wilensky, 19, a self-proclaimed stock market genius, has outperformed the market indices for the past ten years using a rather unorthodox method.  Young Jacob started investing in the stock market with $10,000 dollars when he was nine years old after his grandfather opened a brokerage account for him.  Over the past ten years Jacob has grew his original $10,000 into over $200,000 dollars or a 1,900% return.  What is Jacob’s secret?  Pumping stocks on Pornhub.

“The best way to make money in stocks is to get other people to buy them after you own them,” Jacob told us while sipping on a soda and moving his messy hair out of his eyes.  “I realized the best way to get people to buy stocks is to pump them on the internet after you have a full position.”

Jacob looks like your normal teenager. A greasy face.  Gangly like a giraffe.  And crooked teeth stained orange from soda.  Jacob initially started buying well known large caps with the money his grandfather gave him but switched to buying speculative penny stocks after realizing they were easier to manipulate.  “I initially started buying stocks like Disney (“DIS”) and Ford Motor Company (“F”) but realized quickly I couldn’t manipulate these stocks like I could with speculative penny stocks.”

Jacob first started to pump speculative penny stocks in well known message boards like Investorshub, Seeking Alpha and Twitter.  “I spent most of my time creating thousands of profiles on well-known stock message boards so I could pump stocks up with multiple profiles. This worked well until it didn’t.”  Eventually these message boards caught onto Jacob’s scheme and shut his enterprise down.  “Then the lightbulb went off in my head, I could pump these garbage stocks on Pornhub.”

According to Jacob, Pornhub is one of the most viewed websites in the entire world.  Pumping speculative penny stocks on Pornhub would give him instant access to over a billion eyes who view Pornhub daily. 

“I felt like a fucking genius,” Jacob said while laughing.  “I don’t know anyone to date who has utilized Pornhub to pump stocks to date.” 

Pumping stocks on Pornhub was an instant success for Jacob.  Jacob’s strategy was to comment on the most viewed Pornhub video of the day.  Here are a few of his tweets.

  • “Whiting Petroleum (“WLL”) is the most rock-hard stock of the century.  You think that lady can get him hard?  Wait until you see the movement in this stock!”
  • “The only other thing that can pumpa’ hoe like that is (“XPEL”)!  This is a deal of a century! Better buy before the market finds out.”
  • “You wanna do hot woman like this?  Better become a billionaire with bitcoin!  Buy now! BUY BUY BUY BUY!”

Jacob has posted over 100,000 comments on Pornhub – he is Pornhub’s number one commentator. 

“It was immediately successfully,” Jacob said.  “When people watch porn there is a rapid release of dopamine in their brain.  When dopamine runs through someone’s brain, they become more reckless with money.  With over 1 billion people watching Pornhub daily, that is a lot of reckless money I can pump into the stocks I own.”

Jacob’s latest endeavor is starting a penny stock newsletter on the platform OnlyFans.com.  “I like to be unorthodox,” Jacob said while smiling with a devilish look.  “Starting a penny stock newsletter on OnlyFans.com is about as unorthodox as you can get.

Readers can contact Jacob through his Pornhub username of xxxStonkPumpingGeniusxxx.

Source of featured image: IMDB

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