Ramp Capital

Ramp Capital was announced as a FinTwit 2020 keynote speaker today by Dr. Parik Patel, a BA, CFA, ACCA accredited author for the site run by our glorious leader Eloise Williams, and our token claim for diversity.  Widespread speculation about the speech was cast as the populous of FinTwit was divided on what they thought Ramp was most qualified to speak upon.  Naturally, we decided to compile a list of the most likely ideas.

Value Investing (He’s handicapped don’t hurt him)

We’ve all heard about “dividend growth model” and “fundamentals” and Ramp understands these trash ideas to the fullest.  From his low perspective while sitting in a wheelchair, he is better able to spot undervalued stocks that will grow long into the future, and finally become profitable as his kids retire.  “It’s all about the long game boys.” Ramp – 2020

How to lose money during an historical boom

There aren’t many things more impressive than losing money during a recovery such as we have seen this year.  We believe that Ramp will be a case study for what not to do.

What its like to drive with hand pedals

I’ve always wanted to experience driving when the accelerator and brake are attached to the wheel.  Perhaps Ramp will allow everyone to drive his prize possession, a pink 2020 Toyota Sienna, with pink plush dice hanging from the mirror.  Don’t tell Ramp, but I’m planning on stealing his handicap card, I want that parking.

A PSA on not parking in those slanted lines next to the handicap stall.

Ramp was leaving his local Gucci store one day when John W. B. Rich parked next to him, and he was unable to use the lift assistance to enter his car.  He was forced to call the fire department in order to be lifted into the driver seat.

The struggle for the Handicap toilet space.

Ramp has struggled since he was recently hired at Twitter.  When needing to visit the little boys room, he has been unable to use the big stall.  Jack Dorsey has taken to working in the bathroom in order to have a more efficient means of servicing others through the glory hole and banning innocent users at the same time.  It’s a hard knock life for a paraplegic.

Whatever Ramp decides for his topic, we can be sure that it will be technically proficient, well delivered, and completely unrelated to finance.