Ray Dalio
Source: YouTube Goldman Sachs

After an abysmal year by the once omniscient Ray Dalio has “decided” to step down from Bridgewater Associates. His flagship fund, Pure Alpha II announced 2Q results of -64.20%. The manager known for his correct calls in 2008, was quoted in late January saying “Cash is Trash” at the market bottom in March proclaimed “We Are Heading Into a Great Depression.” 

Dalio is rumored to have been pushed out after his incorrect market calls. One Bridgewater CFO who prefers to remain anonymous, went on record saying “the Pure Alpha Fund Manager is actually a Beta.”

Ray Dalio has been linked to becoming an associate for Dave Portnoy, founder of DDTG Global. Dave, the modern Benjamin Graham, has created a renaissance of value investing with his phrase “Stocks Only Go Up.” DDTG Global is known for its groundbreaking analytics, contrarian beliefs, and exquisite cuisine.

Rumor has it Ray is responsible for DDTG Global’s latest deep value investment $MVIS. The stock up a meager 789% in the past 3 months, appears fundamentally sound and undervalued. While no one actually knows what this stock is, the company has been described on Twitter as a “hybrid of Enron and Bitcoin”.

With sports restarting Portnoy is believed to be spending his time investing there. According to sources, his next trade involves betting against Lebron in next weeks NBA re-opener.

Jeb



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