Bitcoin’s rise over the last six months has vanquished your hopes of a long-game revenge scenario on your high school nemesis. One year ago today you were scrolling through his Instagram, laughing maniacally at his used Kia Forte, his complaints about his second divorce, and his loss of employment as an Applebee’s bartended due to COVID-19. Today however, he revealed that putting small amounts of his leftover tips into Bitcoin since 2012 have now propelled your high school nemesis into the upper echelons of wealth.
“I originally got into it as a way to buy weed,” said your nemesis from the bow of his new Sunseeker 155 Yacht, “or maybe as a way to pay for sex at some point ya know? I guess in some ways it has now bought both.”
Your nemesis then took a giant rip of Loud Dream marijuana before throwing his arms over two Victoria’s Secret models and taking them down below deck. The party of exclusively attractive women continued on board as his Yacht, the S.S. Natty Ice, left the port for his new private bungalow in Puerto Rico.
His single Instagram post from the past week (which you have looked at 134 times now) simply shows his nine-figure bank account balance with the captions “I told you I was smart! All my hard work was worth it! #Winning #ImRichBitch #Yeezy”
Analysts were just as surprised as you were. You followed all the rules: finished college, got a desk job with growth potential, and saved 12% of your salary in a 401k. You treated women with respect and married a cute feminist you met at a Dave Matthews concert. You bought a Toyota Avalon, the perfect mix of safe and practical for a growing family. Meanwhile, your nemesis was getting kicked out of Targets, shooting for a record low score on his credit report, and becoming a registered sex offender in two states. Professional discounters had you pegged at least 10x the value of your nemesis. That is until the rise of Bitcoin.
“Sometimes these things happen,” said your life coach after asking if you might be able to get her your nemesis’s phone number. “It’s important not to compare your live to others and remember it’s not a race.”
It sometimes feels that way though, especially after watching your nemesis race his Yacht against one of the Winkelvoss twins in the Gulf of Mexico. As difficult as it is, experts agree that the best way to move forward is to try to focus on your path and what you are doing. Try to ignore the fact that your nemesis is in the middle of a drug-fueled six-way with five of the hottest women you can imagine, including your high school ex-girlfriend that left you.