Ross Gerber, wonder boy, shocked Wall Street today when he livestreamed himself making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The livestream video comes moments after Gerber posted on Twitter about having a private chef.
You don't have a chef? pic.twitter.com/RrmO024lTE
— Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA ? (@ParikPatelCFA) November 20, 2020
“I decided to livestream myself making an extravagant sandwich,” Gerber stated. “I got a lot of backlash and thought, hey maybe I should just show everyone I can make my own food like a poor person too.”
During the livestream Ross Gerber accidentally set his house on fire after toasting his “white bread” for too long. Not knowing what to do, Gerber pulls his dong out and begins peeing on the flaming toaster. “It’s all good guys. I’m pretty sure I saw Gordon Ramsey do this.”
Panicking and trying to act calm, Ross rushes to the fridge to open a jar of jelly. “Ouch. Did they super glue this,” he whines. “I think I got my first callous. You see that,” as he turns the camera to his girlish hands. “My first callous. Wow. I know what hard, blue collar, work is now.”
By this time his entire Santa Monica house is up in flames. “Oh my god, oh my god,” Ross screams while sprinting out of his house like Naruto. The camera then goes black for a few minutes. The only sound is of a man sobbing.
When all seems hopeless, the camera turns back on, zoomed in on Ross’ face. “I think I will stick to having the poors cook my meals,” an exhausted Gerber states while his Santa Monica house burns down in the background. “This was way too much work.”
Since everyone reading this wonderful article is a billionaire, please consider donating money to Feeding America for the Thanksgiving Holiday season. Liquidity Capital is targeting $10,000 in donations but we want to get it to $1,000,000. Feel free to follow the link here to donate.