Twitter hate crime

After Twitter employees decided to collectively identify as authoritarian dictators, they began censoring the right side of the political spectrum with a newfound zeal generally reserved for avocado toast day at the cafeteria, terrified that republicans would say things like freedom, liberty, and America first.

Shareholders, noticing the change in behavior of the Twitter Stasi, began unloading shares at a large rate.  Twitter accused equity holders of censorship fragility, saying that holding negative opinions of censorship showed their unwillingness to identify with their authoritarian feelings.  Furthermore, Twitter has officially declared that selling shares of their company amounts to a hate crime against POC equity holders as it lowers their share price.

Jack Dorsey stated to the board, “Being against these actions of ‘unity under silence’ is being against racial justice, corporate power, and the unification of media and state.”

The budget bill for the Department of Agriculture was to be voted on in the senate this week and it has been sent back to the house after section 12 subsection 221A on page 10,438 was added stating “selling the shares of Facebook or Twitter will now be in violation of federal code 10 Section 921 Art 121 Grand Larceny and Unlawful Appropriation of Property.”  This generally carries a penalty of 1 to 12 years in prison but as a hate crime it will carry a penalty of 12 to 24 years in prison with no early parole.

John W Rich was on record saying that he now identified as a white person of color in order to sue for losses realized from his Twitter position.