A memo, sent from the desk of the Chief Operating Officer of Santa’s Toy Company:
Merry Christmas everyone. It’s December 26th, and our busiest time of the year is now behind us. I am proud to announce that we were able to hit our quota for the Christmas season, and for that, you all should be proud of yourselves.
However, production just isn’t what it used to be. Increased production costs, both labor and materials, means that we need to make changes around here.
We’ve looked at several options, including decreasing c-suite salaries (lol, like that would happen), cutting retirement benefits (you all live until you’re 300+ years old), and cutting overtime pay.
But none of these options would quite get us to where we need to be financially, so I take no pleasure in announcing that this Christmas will be the last for you all at Santa’s Toy Company here at the North Pole.
We have decided to outsource our production to China. We got a great deal on a factory in Wuhan, and apparently, there are people there very eager to get back to work. On a plant visit there last month, workers even open mouth kissed me to show their excitement about this opportunity.
For most of you, next Friday will be your last day with the company. For the SMEs (Subject Matter Elves), we’ll retain you through Q1 to ensure the new staff is up to speed on your work responsibilities.
A candy cane and little stock stuffer will be provided to you with your last paycheck, so don’t forget to see HR manager Nancy before leaving the workshop on your last day.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Chief Operating Officer
The Santa Toy Company