Detroit – “Whoop Whoop,” Shaggy 2 Dope from the band Insane Clown Posse screamed into my ear while blasting orange and blue Faygo all over the room. “I said, WHOOP WHOOP.” I looked in his painted face like a frightened child looks at their pissed off dad. “Whoop Whoop,” I whispered back.
“So anyways Mr. 2 Dope,” I went on. “Can you tell me a little more about your stock picking abilities.”
“WHO’S GOIN’ CHICKEN HUNTIN’,” Shaggy 2 Dope screamed while emptying another two-liter of Faygo orange pop all over my brand-new mahogany desk.
Shaggy 2 Dope is one of the two front men (partnered with Violent J) in the infamous band Insane Clown Posse. The band hails from Detroit, Michigan and has become one of the most notorious yet outrageous bands to have ever existed. Shaggy 2 Dope recently made financial market headlines when he posted his annualized stock market returns on the subreddit r/wallstreetbets.
After my security guard was forced to remove all the Faygo pop Shaggy 2 Dope somehow stored in his pants he started to focus.
“Can I call you Mr. 2 Dope?”
“Call me anything you want. WHOOP WHOOP!” Shaggy screamed.
“Mr. 2 Dope, how did you learn to trade stocks so profitability?”
“I call upon The Great Milenko and the WHOOP WHOOP Gods and they tell me what stocks to pick,” Shaggy said in a calm unusual voice for a man of his stature.
The Great Milenko is the fourth Joker Card in ICP’s Dark Carnival mythology where the Great Milenko himself is an illusionist who tries to trick people into performing acts of greed.
Shaggy went onto explain how he calls upon The Great Milenko to get really good stock picks.
“All I do is look up at a cloudless night sky and ask The Great Milenko what stocks to buy,” Shaggy said.
Since 1999, Mr. 2 Dope’s annualized returns have been just north of 50%. As comparison the greatest investor in the world, Warren Buffett’s annualized returns are only 20.5%.
“You know you are literally the greatest investor in the world, don’t you?”
Shaggy 2 Dope stared me dead in the eyes saying, “but how do magnets work?”
“Uh huh,” I stated.
“WHOOP WHOOP,” Shaggy screamed while jumping on my desk and unloading another 2 liter of Faygo pop in my face.
“WHO’S GOING CHICKEN HUNTING?” Shaggy yelled while stomping on my laptop.
“I’m going chicken hunting?” I questioned.
In a flash, Mr. 2 Dope ran out of my office swinging a hatchet over his head like a mad man.
“There goes the greatest stock picker the world has ever seen,” I thought to myself. “There he goes.”