Simon Property Group: ‘If you don’t pay rent, we will break your knees’

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Indianapolis – On Tuesday morning, Simon Property Group, Inc. (“SPG”) released a press released titled, “If you don’t pay rent, we will break your f’ing knees.”  The press release comes in a dire time when retailers have stopped paying rent to landlords.  

“It’s a challenging time in retail right now,” Macy’s Chief Executive Officer, Jeffrey Gennette stated.  “Many of us have made the tough decision and just stopped paying rent.”

Economic reports across the nation suggest that 30-50% of retailers have just stopped paying rent all together.  “Why should retailers pay rent when they are not currently operating in these leases,” Patrick Henderson, Retail Analyst at Wells Fargo stated.  “If you can’t operate a lease you shouldn’t have to pay rent.”

But not paying rent will come with dire consequences.  According to Simon Property Group, if their tenants don’t pay rent they will start, and I quote, ‘breaking your knee caps’.

“Our tenants signed on a dotted line specifically stating how if they don’t pay rent they might end up with broken knees.  We follow our lease guidelines very strictly and will uphold these principals even during this unique time.”

Other landlords have started to follow in Simon’s footprints.  Realty Income Corporation (“O”) stated how they are going to ‘cap some asses’ if they don’t get paid.  Ventas, Inc. (“VTR”) has hired a Chief Hitman Officer.  And even Tanger Factory Outlet Centers Inc. (“SKT”) said they have waterboarding down to a perfection.

The message is clear.  If you aren’t paying rent – despite the current circumstances – you best prepare to get a cap in the knees.

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