Stock bears

As the Put-Call ratio for certain indexes dropped below record lows last week, legislators and Janet Yellen’s personal psychic have decided that stock bears need to be added to the endangered species list. As many scientists have pointed out, stock market bears fill a very important ecological niche. They have an evolutionarily suspect tendancy to donate all of their money to call option buyers on a regular basis. How they have survived the last decade of deforestation and insane market gains has long baffled economists.

But now they seem to have finally begun to disappear. Even on FinTwit, comments like thiscan’t even get 3 or 4 angry replies from gold holders and bond traders.

“It’s a real ecological crisis,” commented reddit user r/bearsRdumbLOL, “eating the bears for breakfast after the S&P 500 gapped up 20 points every morning was a huge staple of my diet. I might have to actually buy some groceries now.”