Stock Market Hats, once a successful business. This grassroots individual started from the bottom selling hats on the streets of New York to anybody who would buy a hat. This would go on for years selling hats like “Hot Mamma” and “I’m with Stupid”. Hats then discovered the stock market while slinging hats in Lower Manhattan.

While in Lower Manhattan he was trying to sell a hat to a wealthy business man that read “Be Naughty, Save Santa a Trip”. This man took one look at Hats and said “dude your pathetic you should try stock market hats, I would actually buy one of those”.

So Hats did. Sold stock market hats. But like all things Hats did his business was failing. He sank to the bottom and was found living in a dumpster behind Wendy’s. While taking his bathroom sink shower he decided to start buying fractional shares of tech stocks on Robbinhood. The police showed up when Hats started screaming about how Netflix is dying and he lost all his money ($3.65). He was arrested and now sells hats from a jail cell.