StockCats: ‘I actually hate cats’


Twitter StockCats, the widely followed Twitter handle shamelessly announced today that they actually hate cats.  “Dude, I cannot stand cats,” StockCats said.  “I originally created my Twitter as a joke to make fun of markets and cats.  Then it just took off and spun out of control.”

StockCats is a well followed Twitter personality with over 146,000 followers.  The personality runs which is self-described as Financial Propaganda and Market Mayhem.  The popular website has dozens of pictures of cats in front of trading terminals looking cautiously optimistic.

“People think I’m the Bubbles of the stock market,” StockCats said.  “But I can’t stand these little furballs.  Anytime I try to make a trade one of my kitties reaches up to put his paw on my arm and cries for attention.  Another one just rolls and shows off his belly anytime I walk by him.  Finally, another cat I have just wants to constantly sit on my lap.  I’ve lost so much money from these furballs!”

StockCats went further to say how he believes one of his cats might be connected to the Federal Reserve. 

“I’m 99% sure one of my cats is actually a spy for the Federal Reserve.  I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and catch this cat on my computer dumping cheap money into the bond market.  Sometimes this cat will even get on my Twitter and post pro-Federal Reserve tweets when I’m sleeping.  It’s really frustrating.”

StockCats said how he has been going to Cats Anonymous (“C.A.”) a self-help group for people addicted to cats.  “I’m determined to fix this cat problem I have and become a normal person who just bashes the Federal Reserve and trades stocks.” 

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