Andrew Cuomo

Another day of confession fellas. And this one is a biggie. I made out with Andrew Cuomo in the back of my Tesla and liked it.

It wasn’t any old high school make out session either. It was hot, wet and full of passion. My four door Tesla Sedan drove down I-405 with the backdrop of the Pacific coast. Whales and wet lips. The sun falling into the abyss of the ocean while my heart raced like a hog who just got fed a pan of slop.

Avril Lavigne’s classic make out song “Complicated” played on repeat as we sat in the backseat and swapped salvia. Strong arms and short skirts. Fast hands that ran up the small of my back – exposing an open black dress and a few back pimples that were ready to burst.

When the night was about to end Mr. Andrew Cuomo (chinless) put his hands on my cheeks and kissed my open lips like a passionate Rhett Butler. As he walked away into the moonlight I let out a large sigh and farted loudly almost crapping my pants. “I shouldn’t have eaten 13 McDonald’s Big Macs,” I thought to myself.