This is pretty tough to bring up in the public forum.  But my therapist said talking about the hard stuff will help my massive depression.  So I’m going to be frank and open with you guys on this Friday’s #StonkMarketConfessions.  Last Friday night, I accidentally touched myself to Roll Call.  Here is the video if you missed it.

I was taking a nice bubble bath and had a bottle of Opus One 2017 Red Wine.  While mindlessly scrolling through FinTwit I stumbled upon Kenny Lay’s Roll Call.  That is when I started touching myself.

To my defense, the bottle of wine was basically gone and I before that I was beginning to sob at the mindless existence my life has become (self-made billionaire who has empty sex with top models every night).  To bring in those “good” endorphins I went to town on myself while watching roll call.

I’m not proud of it.  In fact, I tried to fake my own death to get over it.  That didn’t really go well.  So I’m going to make it up on tonight’s roll call.  I promise to not touch myself to it.  Not even one little bit.  Well maybe a little…

What are you #StonkMarketConfessions? Drop them in the comments below.