Strip Club in Odessa Texas Receives $4.2 Million from Bankrupt Energy Company

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Yesterday afternoon, Artie Swedesford, general manager of the Scores Club in Odessa Texas, received a strange phone call. The man on the line was an attorney for a large Oil and Gas company that had recently declared bankruptcy. The attorney proposed that if Scores agreed to re-open on May 1st, had free Jack and Diet Coke of Tuesdays, and that all of the girls wore Texas A&M cheer-leading outfits, the club would receive a $4.2 million gift that would establish the Scores Foundation.

“They insisted that it be a foundation. They were afraid the IRS would come after them for the bonuses they gave themselves and they wanted some of the bonus money to stay in the community. They were just trying to do the right thing.”

The attorney was clear to point out that the champagne room must re-open as well. “That was the toughest part” Swedesford advised. “The girls are big into protecting themselves, so we formed a working group to decide on all the stipulations.” Swedesford’s 45 female employees chose a leadership group of five top earners to make a decision. “Candy and Lola voted against the champagne room, but Ginger, Brandy, and Tiffany were fine with it”, Swedesford said. Tiffany, the top earner at Scores, was vocal in her support of the foundation but insisted that the Texas A&M outfits be custom tailored for each girl.

Later that evening, Swedesford contacted the attorney, who wishes to remain anonymous, of the ladies’ decision. “He was thrilled” said Swedesford. We are all set for a May 1st re-opening.

This is wonderful news for the community of Odessa. Forgotten in all of pandemic news is the fact that many of the most at-risk members of the US workforce are strippers. The women live on tips and have been out of works for five weeks. Many are only able to afford junk foods that are high in carbohydrates.

“Let’s be honest” Swedesford said, “most of these ladies are home eating pizza and Doritos. If they don’t get back soon they won’t fit into the A&M outfits.” He went on to explain the club was the only source of entertainment in the area, and that most of the men in Odessa would have emotional problems that may lead to divorce or even suicide if the club does not re-open soon. “We have to help this community, it is the right thing to do”

Written by Thorstein Veblen

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