Sven Henrich

Scribbling lines on a piece of graph paper like a mad man, Sven Henrich told Wall Street that his charts will end the Federal Reserve.  “You see this red line,” Henrich screamed while pounding a fifth of vodka.  “That line represents the total destruction of economy as you know it.”

While taking another swig of cheap Vodka, Sven Henrich stared upwards at a real-time clock of the Federal debt.  “You think modern monetary theory will save you peasants!” Sven screamed as he ripped out a piece of his mustache.  “My silly little charts will end the Fed!”

Sven then rushed back to the drawing table, stumbling upon a dead cat, and began to scribble on a piece of blank white paper with Crayola Crayons.  “You see this line I drew here?  That line represents THE MOTHER OF ALL GAPS!  A technical indicator that will end you.”

Later in the evening, Sven was arrested for throwing globs of poop at the Federal Reserve building in downtown New York City.  Bystanders said he was screaming like a pterodactyl on LSD.

In other news, Osama Bin Laden was reported to have taken an activist position in American Airlines.  According to a 13D filed this afternoon, Bin Laden is looking for a board seat for himself.