Australian economy

While all of the rich, smart people read the Wall Street Journal, Australians are mulling over the Australian Financial Review.

Ironically, there’s nothing to review at all (since Australia has no money), and yet a subscription presently costs 2022% more than the WSJ.

We caught up with the AFR editor-in-chief who said, “Australians are broke idiots. It’s not like there’s anything worth investing in down here, so completely overcharging for a newspaper about nothing is actually brilliant, when you really think about it.”

In order for people to afford an AFR subscription, Australia’s minimum wage presently stands at $19.84 an hour. This number is based on the fact that an average six-pack puts you out twenty bucks down here.

As reflected in the 2020 census, 99.9% of the Australian population would rather spend their hard earned cash gained from working in the mines or for the government (the only two jobs on the continent) on getting drunk.

Census respondent Dagger Thompson shared his insights via text: “Why TF would I pay for a piece of shit newspaper when I can have a drink instead? First of all, it’s un-Australian, second of all… Straya. And ciggies cost too much. Tax is trash.”

The AFR continues to produce overcharged, irrelevant content to give jobs to white people in Sydney who like to think they actually know something about economics. It’s expected that China will buy the paper soon, since they’ve already purchased the rest of the country.