Tom Morello

For the 9th time this week Tom Morello – political activist and guitarist from Rage Against the Machine – has reminded the backwards trailer trash of Middle America that he has a Political Science degree from none other than Harvard University. The guitar “virtuoso” mostly known for keeping Digitech ($HAR) in business and the obnoxious flickering of his pickup selector to produce “music”, is also vocal in his political commentary.

Between selling overpriced merchandise, records and masterclass guitar lessons, Mr. Morello espouses the virtues of socialism and the moral integrity of Che Guevara. With a net worth in the tens of millions, Mr. Morello has centered himself as the iconoclast of yet another group of young angsty adolescences still living at home.

Once a self-described “only anarchist in a conservative school” Mr. Morello has taken an abrupt about-face and fully immersed himself in the totalitarian big government trend that is all the rave these days.

When asked for comment Mr. Morello clarified his stance:

“At first, I thought anarchists were like cool, like the A symbol they use is like red, and like red is cool like communism. Like then I realized that, like, anarchists are about not having like government and rules and I was like no way bro! Like the government is awesome, my fans are dumb and if it wasn’t for the government telling them what is right and wrong, I just don’t think they would know things like don’t eat the paint chips off of old houses. Like come on bro, if it were not for me and Kirk Hammett the entire wah pedal industry would die off due to evil capitalism. People don’t know what is good, that’s why they need people like me and the government to tell them what to think.”

Mr. Morello is an inspiration for us all. Between playing dress up in communist attire, flicking his pickup switch until the soldering melts, or yelling at white trash on twitter, Tom Morello barely has time to write more hypocritic songs.

That is why there are only 2-3 songs that people actually listen to (Audioslave doesn’t count, RIP Chris Cornell). After all it is only in a country like America where you can freely tell the government to screw off while at the same time trying to promote governments that routinely kill their own citizens for expressing their views! Somehow in this clown world DIY Punks decided they needed a babysitter that gives them trigger warnings when their artisan salad is not vegan.