Shaking uncontrollably and covered in tears, President Trump was reported to have covered himself in human feces and locked himself in the Oval Office. “He has never lost anything in his life,” a distressed Melania stated. “This will be extremely ugly.”
Just moments ago the Associated Press stated that Joe Biden has won the 2020 Presidential Election. Seconds after the announcement Trump blasted off the following tweet, then ran to the bathroom in distress.
I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2020
According to his third wife, she said she heard violent screeching coming from the bathroom. “It sounded like an animal caught in a trap. And then the screeching stopped.”
When Melania thought the worse was over, Trump blasted out of the bathroom covered in human feces. “It was a frightening and terrible scene,” Melania stated.
Trump was then reported to run into the Oval Office and proceeded to lock himself in it. White House officials stated that Trump has been shaking with rage, crying uncontrollably and is covered in tears.
“I am very afraid what my husband will do,” Melania stated. “He has access to every nuclear warhead the United States has and I’m very concerned he will drop a nuke on Delaware.”
— Malarkey detector (@Malarkeydetect2) November 7, 2020
In other news, stocks rocketed as investors believe Joe Biden will spend his way out of the crises, boding well for assets prices and further destroying the poors.