Uh Thanks?: Federal Government has announced Citizens will get additional $5 dollars each in bailout money

We have printed too much money


Washington – Great news!  The Federal Government has decided that each U.S. Citizen will get an additional $5 dollars in bailout money.  “We have printed too much money,” Jerome Powell stated at a benefit lunch.  “There is only so much money we can allocate to corporations.  We have decided to give the surplus back to our valuable citizens.”  The extra $5 dollars per citizen is a noble act of kindness.  “I have so many plans on how I’m going to spend my additional $5 dollars,” single mom Holly, 34, says.  “I will literally be able to pay 1/500th of my rent with this money.  It will go so far.”  The Federal Government has been on a spending spree this month.  Money printing machines have gone BRRRRR all across the country.  The additional $5 dollars every citizen will receive is excess money the Government accidently printed.  “Sometimes we go a little crazy with the money printing,” J-Powell said with a devilish smirk on his face.  The additional $5 dollars in bailout money is expected to reach your mailbox by September 2022.

Success! You're on the list.