Half of population incarcerated

WASHINGTON – In what could be seen as a silver lining to the riots taking place across America, the unemployment rate has begun to steady as half of the population is now incarcerated.  Before the riots, COVID-19 was projected to displace 20-30% of the jobs in America.  But given the unorthodox method of calculating the unemployment rate, incarcerated individuals are not counted as employable citizens.

“With half of the population now incarcerated in America’s esteemed [emphasis on esteemed] rehabilitation institutions aka prisons, the unemployment rate has begun to steady with projections of lowering in the coming weeks,” J.P. Wicker, macro-economist stated.  “Some experts have even went far enough to state we might have zero percent unemployment by the end of June.”

America’s prison’s are best known for their esteemed rehabilitation programs like massive housing. The ability to create repeat offenders and better criminals. And the respectable revere to have 25% of the world’s prisoners despite only 2% of the population – is something to be proud of.

“With the unemployment rate approaching zero you should expect massive inflation as employers are forced to compete for labor,” J.P. Wicker went on.

But massive inflation isn’t something Donald Trump is expecting.

“We will use our great prisons, big, proud, law and order, to create cheap labor for America’s cousin, the great arm of capitalism,” Trump stated.  “I have done more for black people than everyone, expect maybe Abraham Lincoln.  You can thank me now black population.”

CoreCivic (“CXW”), The Geo Group (“GEO”) and Avalon Correctional Services (“CIHTY”) have rallied as half of the U.S. population is now locked up.