In one of the most relatable headlines in modern history, the United States Treasury Department is having printing troubles. They ran out of ink after printing about 800 billion in fresh bills. The unfortunate ink-cident has left high ranking US officials scrambling to figure out ideas to provide the much-needed monetary support to American businesses.
US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin weighs in: “Obviously, our first plan was to buy more ink from Hewlett Packard ($HP). But it turns out buying enough ink to print 1 trillion dollars costs almost a trillion dollars – it’s such a scam. So right now, our plan B is to print 1 trillion golden dollars while we search for more ink for cheap.” Yes – the entire economy is now relying on the Sacagawea laden golden dollar. Sacagawea hasn’t seen this much action since she split that bottle of rye with Lewis and Clark in the summer of 1805.
There have also been other solutions thrown around. Joe Biden proposed giving American households earning under 75k $1200 worth of ice cream gift cards instead. “If I know the average American – which I think I do,” says Biden with a wink, “they like ice cream just as much as money.”
Another option is to print 1000 billion dollars bills with Jerome Powell’s face on them. Except instead of a phrase from the declaration of independence written along the top, it will say in bold Serif font “Money Printer Goes BRRR.”